Yesterday, I took my girls to shop for fruit and vegetables, and at the end got touched, not by an angel, but by a human. I had paid for all my groceries, and had parked my cart by the bars right outside the market, and as usual asked the girls to stand by the cart while I take the bags to the car in two or three trips, since the bars don’t allow us to take the carts to the car and I can’t carry everything at once and hold the girls’ hands at the same time. After I put the first load into the trunk and came back to the girls standing patiently by the cart, I saw that the cart was empty, and I can almost swear that my mind went completely blank. Zero. Empty. Nothing. Zilch. I couldn’t make heads or tails of what I was seeing.
How could my cart be empty, and the girls are standing right there? Could this be my cart? If not, then where’s my cart? So I ask the girls what happened, and they say that a man came and took the bags. What?!? I look around and wonder who would come and steal my bags, when I’ve paid for everything. And I think of the fish and strawberries I bought for the girls and all the money I spent. I take a step forward, not knowing whether to look outside the store in the parking lot for this man, or inside? I turn my head slightly and notice a woman in a parked car waving to me and pointing. I go over to her and she says that the man went that way. I start towards “that way” and there appears before me a man with a baseball cap, smiling a big smile and pointing to his chest, saying he had taken the bags to my car to help me.
Oh, what a relief came over me, knowing my bags were safe and no one had come and stolen them. I thanked the man and he quickly walked away. Only a few minutes later, as I was sitting in the car waiting for the girls to buckle themselves in, did I realize what that man had done. He had seen a woman with two kids and many bags, didn’t care that she was a Muslim, had seen that she needed help and didn’t hesitate to do what he saw needed doing: carrying her bags for her. He didn’t wait to ask permission; just did it. And didn’t wait around to be paid, or to be thanked profusely. Job done, off he went. My eyes welled up at this unknown man’s mercy to a fellow human being, and I felt at that moment that this was nothing compared to Allah’s mercy, and my heart got all squishy. The parking lot not being the place to burst into tears, I got a hold of myself and drove off, echoing the girls’ dua’ that Allah give this man Jannah.
Asiya Akyurt
Asiya lives in Virginia with her husband and twin daughters. She is an active MAS member with an ijaza (certificate) in Qur’anic recitation and tajweed, and enjoys teaching, interpreting and translating.
 Ever been asked by a child why you wear that thing on your head? Seen a mother squirm and hush her child up? Wondered how much you could say without stepping on that mother’s toes? How do you react in these situations? Here are three awesome mamas responses to being asked about hijab by children of other faiths, while navigating the sticky field of faith discussion.
H writes:
I have actually had this occur a number of times (where a child would point and ask what is on my head, or why is that woman wearing that?). I try to smile, and put the parent at ease. Perhaps walk by and tell them, “It’s ok, don’t worry about it, I get it all the time.” I think putting them at ease and letting them know I’m not offended is the first step – because many parents are very conscious of me hearing and thinking their child is making fun or worry that I’m going to get offended. Then I take my cues from the parent. Sometimes, I just leave it at that, and say, have a good day, and just try to show them, I’m a nice, normal, English speaking person.
In general, I try to avoid talking about religion so as not to offend – and let the parent explain however they see fit. But I might say to the child, “Well that’s a nice necklace or hat you are wearing, why do you wear that?”, and they generally say, “because I like it,” or ” because I want to,” and then I just respond, “Well, I wear this because I like it, too.” Children who are too young might not understand the concept of God and religion and modesty (beyond what they see of their own parents). So I try to avoid getting into those conversations. If a parent themselves say something, and seem to want to engage in a discussion, I’ll discuss it, but I think discussions of God and Religion should be left for parents to have with their child and explain to them.
C says:
I havent really encountered too many non-Muslim young children but I have encountered questions from non-Muslim teenagers. When it comes to hijab I basically say that it’s to protect myself from the impure thoughts, feelings and reactions of men and women, such as jelousy, lust, desire, temptation, etc. I then bring in the fact that I am only for my husband and chose to be modest not only because God commanded it but becasue I personally believe its the right thing to do.
When questioned about Salat, I discuss why we pray 5 times a day is to constantly remember God in everything we do, and constantly thank Him and Repent to Him and never forget that He is watching over us and our actions at all times. I also discuss that it is one of the 5 pillars of faith, is obligatory and is our one on one time with God throughout the day.
I haven’t encountered any hostility so far in the way I handle things alhamdullilah.
S shares:
Our experience with young non-Muslim children has largely been with children in our building and surrounding area. We are blessed to live in an area where there are large African-American and Hispanic families. When the weather is nice, children often play in the large green space shared by the building tenants. For whatever reason many of these children enjoy coming over – opening up the refrigerator or playing with the toys. Often I feel compelled to ask them to tell their parents that they are over our house, or to remind them to go home.
During one of these visits the time for prayer came, and my husband told the two 6-year old boys over at the time that our sons will have to stop playing for a little bit because we would be praying. My husband explained that five times a day we pray to God to thank Him for what He gave us. He simplified the concept for their age level. To my surprise one of them asked if he could pray with us, and the other followed (I guess at that point he didn’t want to be the only one NOT praying). They followed the steps of prayer with us, and then continued to play afterwards. Now, whenever we call our sons in from outside to pray, we openly say we’re going to pray. It’s a familiar concept now.
I have to admit I felt a little uncomfortable this first time they prayed with us (it’s happened a few times since). Afterwards, I had a discussion with my husband expressing this discomfort – would their parents be ok with this, what would they think? He said that their parents obviously feel comfortable leaving their children at our house, and that they likely trust us because we’re Muslim. He said, “How can we tell a child not to pray with us, when he tells us that he wants to pray?” At that I said, what if our children went to their houses and the same thing happened. This was a purely theoretical discussion now because we never allow our children to go to any of their houses. At that, my wise husband said – “That’s why we don’t let our children go to their houses, but they obviously feel comfortable leaving their kids with us.” After this first prayer, the kids continued to come over – no parent ever expressed a concern over this.
Having shared this story, I realize that this approach may not be suitable for most people. We just happen to live in an area where people are trusting of the Muslim family next door. We all should, however, have our kids feeling confident enough with their non-Muslim friends to say they have to pray in a way that is matter of fact. Praying is not something strange, and certainly not something that should be hidden or done out of plain sight.
I’d like to think that these kids will grow up one day and fondly remember the house next door where they played, ate and drank – and where they prayed their first Salah.
 So the other day I was shopping at Michael’s to work on a project for my 9 month old when I came across a table that had gingerbread house kits on sale for 2.99! Great deal I thought! My daughter will love this. I brought it home and immediately Ameera was ecstatic and wanted to build it. The first night she and her father worked on actually constructing the frame of the house, which they worked on diligently. The second day she and I decorated it with icing and candy.
However, as I sat down with her, my natural perfectionist instinct was to try to make the house look like the picture perfect models displayed on the box. My first mistake was to ask her which house on the box she wanted to replicate. Instead I should have just let her use her imagination to create a home of her choice.We then began to ice the roof, she took one side and I the other, and of course I was so concerned with making my side of the roof look smooth and clean and to cover all the brown parts of the gingerbread with icing, while Ameera’s side had globs of icing on various spots, obviously less than perfect vision. I attempted to try to “fix” her side, (my second mistake) and ended up in a power struggle with my poor 4 year old trying to make the house look the way I thought it should look. What is wrong with me? I kept asking myself over and over desperately trying to just let her be and have fun and enjoy herself, which she was thankfully. But during the candy trimming I continued in my effort to strategically place the pieces of candy where I thought they looked best, as did Ameera, and occasionally I would replace one of her candies or move one of her gumdrop bushes only to be reprimanded and scolded for doing so. “MAMA! Why are you moving that! I did that!” She would yell desperately trying to clue me in to the fact that this was meant to be HER project, not mine. Why was it soooo hard for me to let go?
What was even more troubling to me is that I know it’s not the first time that I have tried (in a sense) to take over and do things my way. And if I intend to be a successful homeschooler, then this is definitely something I will have to work on. I’m not going to have a picture perfect house. Things will break, get messy, and I will have to be okay with that. Things will not always go according to plan and I will have to be okay with that. Things will not always go my way or turn out the way I expect and I will have to be okay with that. I will not always be in control…and I will have to be okay with that Because, if I amm not I will most certainly take the joy away from just letting my kids be kids, and then what will I have accomplished?
I realized one very important lesson in parenting and teaching. I was invading my child’s world. This was meant to be “her” creation and therefore this was her territory and I imposed my imaginatively limited adult mind on her limitless one. Overall the experience was enjoyable for both of us. But next time I need to learn to just let go! Had I left her to to design and decorate the house as she saw fit It probably would have looked totally different. I now can only wonder and imagine what her vision of it would have looked like, instead I see only pieces of her and unfortunately most of my own.
Christina Elahmar
Christina is a mother of two who divides her time between being an English teacher, writing consultant, and soon to be homeschooler. She blogs at Reflections of a Muslim American Educator and recently started the Muslim Mom Network Homeschoolers Google Group.
 Often times people like me whose children are fortunate enough to have their grandparents in their lives mouth off about how much candy and junk food they eat as a result. Grandma’s purse is usually the go-to place for a handy, and typically sugar-laden, food-colored treat. As much as I dislike the boundless candy consumption that sometimes results, I can’t deny my daughter’s grandparents the right to be grandparents. I can, however, implement the healthy lifestyle that I value for myself and my family within my own home. The trouble is how to get a child who knows the taste of Starburst to accept raisins as a snack.
In my quest to find a healthy snack that is also acceptable to my 2 year old, I recently undertook the venture of making my own fruit roll-ups at home. Actually, my daughter and I did it together, which made the experience all the better since I’m always looking for projects to do with her around the house. It also worked out perfectly since I had 2 pints of ripe strawberries that I didn’t know what to do with. Since the process doesn’t involve any cooking, all I had to do was supervise my daughter when using the blender. Here is the recipe we used, but typically any fruit can be used (though you might want to stew things like apricots or plums beforehand):
Prepare the following (feel free to scale down, the recipe is really flexible):
- 6 cups of strawberries, rinsed and with the stems removed
- 6 tablespoons honey, raw honey works best as it gives a nice texture and body to the fruit
- 3 teaspoons of lemon juice, this preserves the color
- 2 parchment-lined baking sheets, you can also spray with non-stick spray if you choose
Steps:
- Wash and cut stems from strawberries. If your child is like mine (s)he loves playing with water, so they can participate in washing. You can easily review counting and colors with them at this point. If your child is a little older, make sure you have them measure out the strawberries and remaining ingredients.
- Puree the strawberries in blender. You can sift the seeds through a cheese-cloth if you desire (I kept the seeds in, why waste all the fiber).
- Sweeten with honey, add lemon juice, and blend. At this point encourage your child to taste it, it will increase their excitement for when it will be ready and make them more eager to have it as a snack later on. It was so good we almost gulped it right up.
- Spread onto the parchment-lined baking sheets. The thinner you can get it the better since it mimics the fruit-roll-up you can buy from the store.
- Dehydrate the fruit either by placing in the sun, using a dehydrator or putting it in the oven with the door slightly ajar at the lowest temperature setting (the lowest my oven goes is 170 degrees, but lower would be better). This process can take 12+ hours, don’t rush it! I did this overnight to make sure my daughter didn’t accidentally come near the stove and burn herself. Once the fruit feels like it has congealed and can be peeled off from the parchment paper easily, you know it’s ready. You can use a pizza slicer to slice it up into portions. Stored in a sealed container or plastic bag, it can last up to a month.
Our finished product is featured above, and turned out great! Not only are we excited to try this with other fruit, but my daughter really took ownership of this activity. InshAllah it becomes regular practice in our home to be true to our beliefs, in big ways and small, and not just complain about the circumstances we are placed in.
Dalal Kanan
Dalal is currently a chemistry graduate student who, above all, loves being mom to a lovely two-year old daughter.
 A dear friend and I were sitting around the kitchen table as our two children were slowly getting to know one another. These two toddlers, both not even two yet, have already shown certain preferences when it comes to their food. Squeals of joy abounded when the pomegranate seeds emerged as my daughter shouted, “Maan!” and hastily made her way to the center of the table, leaving her half eaten clementine behind. I wondered, and still continue to do so, about the amount of variety I offer my child. I wonder if the variety is spoiling her and whether or not she’ll expect only the best foods whenever her desires demand them. I quickly rationalize it away by thinking these offerings contribute to a well-balanced diet, even though I do see signs of those demands. I see it in the way she moves her head away when the food is not to her liking. Knowing that she cannot yet comprehend the immense blessings our family has, I wait patiently for the day I can relay a story about her grandfather when he was a kid.
My father came from a well to-do family in Egypt. Then his mother died when he was five, may Allah have mercy on her soul. After she died, his family faced difficult times, both emotionally and financially. He would tell me, “Marwa, there were days when I was given one hard boiled egg, and I was told, “you can either eat this for breakfast or dinner.”‘ This story has resonated with me so deeply and I often think about it while I feed my daughter, or while deciding what to make for dinner. Sometimes I think about it without food triggering the thought at all. The mental image of a five year old boy looking at his egg and contemplating the best time to finish off his only meal of the day sometimes makes me want to erase the image from my mind altogether. However, I can’t not think about it while others go without food for what seems to be many more days. At the very least, sitting with that discomfort allows my heart to soften as I try to fight the ossifying effects this world has on me.
Alhamdulillah, Allah has never put me in a situation where I didn’t know where my next meal would come from. It truly is such a blessing that we are commanded to fast and feel the pangs of hunger and eventually the empowerment of not needing so much. However, I know for my family, we tend to slip into old habits quickly. Sometimes we eat out of boredom, or in order to keep certain hands and mouths busy (especially wandering, trouble-making hands), and well, many times we eat because it just so happens to be a certain meal time even if we are not necessarily hungry.
I know that the responsibility of finding joy in simple, intentional, eating rests on my shoulders. After watching the documentary, Forks over Knives, my husband and I have committed to eating less meat and incorporating more vegetables, beans, and grains into our diet. It does mean that we are stewing lentils about twice a week, but thus far, no one has complained. The days we do eat meat, we make sure to cut the portion size in half or add a little bit of ground beef as opposed to stew meat in the famous Egyptian sauce based vegetable meals (okra, peas, green beans, etc.). Even though we have only been doing this for about a month, what I have noticed is a deeper sense of appreciation the days we do eat meat. I enjoy it, and I try to savor what’s on my plate. I also don’t feel as guilty spending more money on organic, grass fed meat since we are buying much less of it. Growing up in a household where the highlight of the meal centered around the poultry, meat, or fish component, can make this endeavor seem like something is missing from the dinner table. After awhile however, we are getting used to eating what was once perceived as a side dish as our main meal- we just eat more of it. What we have found to be particularly satiating are cooked lentils with cumin, garlic, and crushed tomatoes as well as stuffed bell peppers and zucchini. Vegetarian chili is something we have yet to explore, but are looking forward to it, insha’Allah.
As we start incorporating these changes into our lifestyle in order to live closer to the sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (sas), it is my hope that this endeavor will feed into other positive commitments as well. Ultimately, living a sustainable lifestyle that leaves a small carbon footprint will require much more than reducing our meat intake. Composting, farm shares, reducing paper towel usage, are also on the agenda. As for this winter? It’s shaping up to be a bit more than a pot of lentil-stew goodness.
Marwa Aly
Marwa Aly currently serves as a Muslim chaplain and is a mother to one wonderful daughter.
« Older posts
|
no comments