Last Ten Days
September 2, 2010
We're in the last ten days of Ramadan and so much to be done…. Let's not forget the dua'a that the Prophet (pbuh) taught his beloved wife, Aishah, for these blessed days and nights, "Allahuma innaka 'afun tuhibul 'afwa fa'fu 'anna- O Allah, You are pardoning and You love to pardon, so pardon me. "
Wishing you a blessed ten nights…
~ GrowMama Team
And So It Begins…
August 26, 2010
Ramadaan is a tremendous opportunity to strengthen a child’s Muslim identity, build a closer realationship with Allah SWT and with community. Each year I wonder how to make it special for the family. What can I do for them to taste it’s sweetness? This year, like many others, I was not completely ready. At least not with the home perfectly cleaned or the fridge stocked with all the right suhoor/iftaar groceries. I took a deep breath and said to myself, "Lets make the best of what we have.”
Listen to our story…The first night of Ramadaan was special for us…
An hour and a half before sunset, I started to make crescent cookies with my children. Our goal: To welcome Ramadaan as a special guest. As the cookies baked, I pulled out a box of simple Ramadaan decorations. I collected some of their Ramadaan crafts over the years. While decorating our home I thought it would be nice to invite our neighbors. We called over to Michelle’s asking if they wanted to come over for milk and cookies, watch the sunset and share in our welcoming party. They were at BMX biking practice. "If we were home, we would have definitely loved to come. “
So, I tried again. We called over to Carrie’s. “Do you and the boys want to come for milk and cookies and wait for our special Ramadaan to start?”
“Ohhh…we would have loved to, but we are at the Texas Road House having dinner with my mom. Can we come by later in the week?”
I sighed, maybe a dawa moment was not meant to happen tonight. As the children decorated, I remembered my new Muslim friend “Eileen.” When I called, she was already in her PJ’s . "No worries, I’ll come as I am. Thank you so much for inviting me.” She was ringing our doorbell within 10 minutes.
The house was half decorated, the oven timer dinged. The sink was full of dishes, our tablecloth was full of crumbs. We all sat together at the big table by the window. We watched the sky turn pink, ate delicious crescent cookies with milk. We talked about our Family Ramadaan Goals. My husband wrote each family member’s goals on a large poster board. He included a spot for Eileen. My youngest, who is almost five said her goals were to “Be nice and learn more surahs.”
Eileen said “To be kind in word and actions.” My husband would like to improve his taraweeh and read more Quran. Our seven-year-old son wants to fast between breakfast and lunch and give one of his toys in charity. I want to work on learning to forgive in a better way.
We prayed a peaceful Magrib salah together. My husband put the kids to bed while Eileen and I sat out on our deck next to the forest. We enjoyed some special sister time accompanied by the night sky and forest noises. My heart sensed Ramadaan around us. I thank Allah for a very special first night. In the end, I realized, having all the “stuff”' ready wasn't as important as having the right attitude, spirit and company.
Sharda Mohammed
Sharda Mohammed is a Canadian born mother of two young children. She has a keen interest inlearnig to foster leadership, self esteem and empathy in young children. She works part time as a Physical Therapist.More About Umm Hamza
August 23, 2010
Read the first part of Umm Hamza's story here.
Umm Hamza told me something really amazing today. But before I tell you more about her, let me tell you about our landlord. (Bear with me, because I need to write a rather long story.) They’ve been wanting a cleaning lady for months now, and they noticed Umm Hamza coming and going every Thursday. The watchman, who knows pretty much everything that goes on in this building, told the landlord that Umm Hamza was my cleaning lady. The landlord then sent the watchman to ask us (me) if I would ask Umm Hamza if she had any free days to come and clean for them. Umm Hamza told me that she didn’t have any spare days at that time, and I relayed the message. The matter was never brought up again. That is, it was never brought up until last Thursday.
When Umm Hamza was divorced, she was left with three small boys to care for, and she was forced to look for work. She first found a job in a ladies’ tailor shop. She worked there for several months, sewing and cutting and decorating dresses. One of her fellow workers remarked one day that the owner of the shop often came back at night but used a different door to enter the shop in a furtive manner. In this country, such actions mean only one thing: the shop is being used as a front for a den of prostitution. Umm Hamza quit her job there and told her parents and brothers the reason.
She then began looking desperately for another job. Umm Hamza found a job cleaning for Umm Anas who then recommended her to me. No, I guess it was the other way around; she recommended me to Umm Hamza. Umm Hamza has learned never to work for anyone unless she has a good recommendation about the family. When she started working for me, Umm Hamza’s brother would often bring her and pick her up, but he had no idea that she was coming to clean. He instead was under the impression that she was coming to give me Qur’an lessons. Why was he under this impression? Well, his mother had told him so. This was because when Umm Hamza quit the tailor’s shop, her brother was vehemently opposed to her ever working again.
This brings us back to last Thursday. Umm Hamza’s brother came here to take her home, and just as she was leaving the building, our landlord arrived home. He asked to speak to Umm Hamza’s brother who got out of the car to talk. The brother then came back to his car, and Umm Hamza asked what they had been talking about. Her brother said that the landlord asked what she was doing here every Thursday. The landlord actually knew, but he was leading up to the subject. The brother, not knowing any better, said that Umm Hamza came here every Thursday to give me Qur’an lessons. Honestly, she thought her brother knew the real reason by now, but it seems their mother had never disillusioned him.
Umm Hamza then bravely went upstairs to set the landlords straight about her job. The landlady told her that they really did want a Qur’an teacher for their daughters so that they could benefit from the summer vacation rather than waste their time. I know that Umm Hamza has been attending a Qur’an memorization school for years and years, and apparently she’s well qualified to teach, so she said that she would be happy to teach the daughters during summer vacation.
So now, instead of being their cleaning lady, she’s the Qur’an teacher for their daughters and has started going three times a week for this purpose! I told Umm Hamza that, alhamdulillah, teaching Qur’an is much better for her than cleaning houses, because she’s developed arthritis in her knees and shoulders from all of the hard, physical work. This job couldn’t have come at a better time and for a better woman, masha Allah.
Susan Akyurt has lived in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia with her husband for the last 31 years. She has four daughters, one living near her in Jeddah and three living in the DC metropolitan area. She loves reading, writing and corresponding with her family.
The Month of Seizures
August 16, 2010
A couple weeks ago, my daughter and I were perusing old photos and videos of her life on the computer. She loves to see the changes in herself and her brother. As we browsed, one folder was left unopened. August 2006… the month of her seizures. That month, my sweet daughter was ten months old and our only child. Within a period of twenty-four hours, she had two seizures.
The first one came while she was nursing just before maghrib. Her eyes became blank. She started shaking. Her eyes rolled back into her head. Her face turned blue. I remember being numb with fear. I called to my husband (who was making wudu) and had him call 911. The seizure only lasted a few minutes. We took turns praying so that one of us could watch her and be ready for the EMTs.
When the EMTs arrived after my daughter's first seizure, they told me that it was probably just a choking incident since she was nursing just prior. I wanted to believe them, but I knew my child. She had gotten choked up before when she was nursing and that wasn't how she behaved.
Despite assurances from the EMTs that it wasn’t necessary, we decided to take her to the emergency room. The doctor there told us that there was no way to know for sure what had happened, but that even if it had been a seizure there most likely was no lasting damage. She advised us sometimes babies her age (6-12 months old) have seizures for no apparent reason and then never have them again.
Since we were in the ER until past 2 a.m. and both still struggling with what had happened, my husband stayed home from work the next day. Around noontime, the second seizure came. We were still sick with fear, but prepared this time. We took a video of the seizure. As her seizure continued, my husband couldn’t stand the idea of just watching it unfold. He picked up her little seizing body and carried her to the pediatrician’s office (just a 5 minute walk from our home).
The month following the seizures is a blur. There are no other photos or videos of that time period. We were too busy taking her to doctor’s appointments, attempting an EEG at the hospital, successfully having an EEG at the children’s hospital, meeting with a children’s neurologist, and constantly praying. Alhamdulilah, after those two, she didn’t have any other seizures.
If your baby has a seizure, this is what you should know:
- Lay your baby on her side on the floor where she has space to seize.
- Do not put anything in her mouth… this is an old wives tale.
- If at any time during the seizure she has difficulty breathing or her heartbeat becomes irregular, call 911.
- Time the seizure… if it lasts longer than 5 minutes, call 911. (Technically, they consider any seizure under 20 minutes to be a short seizure, but you want to have enough time to get her to the hospital.)
- Try to get a video recording of the seizure. This part is really hard, but it can be invaluable. Describing an incident to a doctor can be very difficult and you want to make sure that they don't just blow you off since you're an upset parent.
- Of course, notify your child's doctor after the seizure.
- It's not uncommon for children to go into a deep sleep after they seize.
Laura Brown is a stay at home mom of two little ones. She happily holds the title of CFO (Chief Financial Officer) of her family. She blogs about her money-saving ways at Blessings in Bargains.
Ramadan Memories
August 11, 2010
There is one memory that jumps to my mind when I think of Ramadan, and most importantly when I think of the spirit of Ramadan. I grew up in the States, so the one Ramadan that I spent in Egypt as an adult was a new experience. I was never sure if it beat my Ramadans back home in America, but this one memory of Ramadan in Egypt fills me with happiness and the spirit of racing to do good that Ramadan inspires in all of us… (wa fee thalika fal yatanafas il mutanafisun- And in that, let them compete).
One day, my husband and I were invited for Ramadan iftar at my second cousin’s home near theAl Malik Al Salih (Pious King) metro stop in Old Cairo. I don’t remember the metro ride, I don’t even remember if it was the metro we took, but I do remember the rest of the story from the moment we stepped out of the metro station into the sandy, brown neighborhood streets of Al Malik Al Salih neighborhood.
It was dusk time, maghrib time, and the streets were yellow with the last rays of the setting sun. The sound of athan had just faded from the horizon, and the streets were quiet, minus the sound of honking cars and screaming merchants. And yet, in our faces were about 4 or 5 young men and boys, each one handing us a small cup full of milk and a plate covered with dates. I was overwhelmed at first; it took me a few seconds to realize they were offering me my iftar dates, my fast-breaker. They realized that it was iftar time, that these last lingering metro riders had probably not broken their fast; and they raced against each other to give my husband and I that first date and sip of milk, so they could receive the reward of feeding a fasting person.
Until today, I am overwhelmed with feelings every time I think of it. I have to be honest with you, I couldn’t drink from that cup of milk because I was a bit spoiled and had no idea where that cup or that milk had been, and I can’t even remember if I had the stomach to eat the uncovered dates. But until today, I ask Allah to reward those boys and men for giving me a taste of the spirit of Ramadan, a taste of the meaning of racing forth to do good deeds, a taste of competing with each other in all that is good.
Six Ramadans later, I remember their faces, their outstretched arms, their desire to feed me, and I say alhamdulillah for the spirit of goodness in our ummah. May Allah bless this Ramadan for you and I, and may He increase our desire to give generously like the blowing wind.
Fatima Abdallah
Fatima lives in Northern Virginia with her husband and two daughters. She is currently a full-time mother and part-time youth worker with MAS Youth
Ramadan Inspiration
July 31, 2010
Dear Growmama readers,
Ramadan is just around the corner! Are you ready for the hours of reading Quran, the nights of prayer, the streams of reward, the cooking and cleaning (maybe!) and the playful teaching of spirituality to our children?
We invite all Growmama readers to tell us how they are preparing for Ramadan, whether as individuals, families, mothers, community leaders, or teachers. Posts should be 200-500 words and can include pictures, audio and video, practical ideas, words of advice, spiritual reflections, ideas for kids’ activities, and more. Send your submissions to growmama@gmail.com by August 11 (the 1st of Ramadan). Selected posts will be published on the growmama blog before and during Ramadan.
Be creative, inspire and encourage your sisters!
The Day I Wrote a Check
July 26, 2010
(This post was written a couple of years ago and is dedicated to all mothers who’ve ever tried to write a check...)
So, it’s really busy business being a mommy. Whenever someone asks me what I do, I answer, “I’m ‘just’ a mother.’ And then I explain that being a mommy is busy business, but I rack my brains to remember why it’s a busy business… Can’t I do more with my time? (Answer is yes, but when I can’t….)
So, this is why I can’t do much more with my time….
Today I came to write a check for a bill that arrived in the mail. I sit down and start writing the check. Baby is hungry. I get up and put an egg to boil, come back and entertain her a bit to get her to forget her hunger. I run off and find another working pen, and start writing check again. Older daughter finally agrees to use bathroom. I get up to help her.
The egg is ready by the time we’re finished in the bathroom. I cool it down under cold water, and put it for Baby to eat. A couple of minutes later, Baby decides it’s nasty and lobs it over the side of her high chair. Big Baby (older daughter) decides she wants an egg too, and I hear the sound of an egg cracking in the kitchen. I run to save the egg and my kitchen and pour some milk for Baby. I retrieve the egg, let her drink milk, and give her some egg to try again. I sit down and finish writing the check, but the envelope isn’t the right size, so I get up to get another envelope.
I run to the kitchen to make an omelet that I’m convinced won’t be eaten by Big Baby, run back and clean up the once again lobbed over side of high chair egg (stupid me), and address the new envelope. I take down Baby, wash her, place her on the floor (upset of course, because she’s sleepy). And I finish the envelope!!! I run, make the omelet and run back to stamp the envelope. Alhamdulillah, it’s done and waiting to be mailed tomorrow.
By the way, much to my delight and surprise, the 11 pm omelet gets eaten by a hungry 2 1/2 year old Big Baby. 
yay! And thirty minutes after I put my mind to getting this item off my to-do list, it’s finally done. Mission accomplished!
Fatima Abdallah
Fatima lives in Northern Virginia with her husband and two daughters. She is currently a full-time mother and part-time youth worker with MAS Youth.
Teaching Responsibility
July 22, 2010
Teaching responsibility is not random or finite. And as much as we wish, it is not even tangible. It is the evolution of the building of the character and the guiding of the being that is your child. Perhaps “teaching” is the wrong word to begin with. It starts with that first spark of interest in the toddler mimicking what you do. He or she sees you sweep and wants to do the same…or to wipe the table or to fold the laundry. The child wants to do it because he / she loves you and wants to be more like you. From this viewpoint it is logical that we should then make “chores” a natural progression for the child like learning to walk, talk and hold a spoon. We should not impose our desires on that child because we are overworked and need the house perfect 24 hours a day. It is more logical to say, my child although 18 months, wants to clean the kitchen floor after I cook. So I will show him how I do that when I cook. My child, although 2 years old, wants to sweep. So I will show him how I do that. In this way when that child is five or six years old and you are a little tired, they will offer,” Mom you don’t have to clean the floor after you cook. Remember when I was a baby, you showed me how. I can do that for you.” And they will be so very proud of themselves and you will enjoy a mixture of relief and relaxation.
I have tried charts and rewards but I have found that all the “work” I did encouraging their musings as toddlers and infants is what really shines through. This is my fifth pregnancy and I am neither miserable nor very sick but my two oldest, now seven and nine, recognize that sometimes I need to nap. Daily without coercion, I hear, “Mom you go rest now while I do the dishes.” Or,”I will watch my little brother so that you can relax.” Or, “Mom I will make the lunches so we can go to the playground”. My home as a whole is not perfect, but they offer to help and try their best to clean up after themselves and split the responsibility or encourage their five year old sister to help out.
And with that I had an epiphany, you can not teach responsibility. You have to encourage the sparks of light throughout your child’s existence from their earliest show of interest in “helping out” and continue that tempered and enjoyable expression. You will see it progress as they evolve into their own and it will be natural…in harmony with their character and the flow of your lives together.
Cordelia Gaffar Cordelia Gaffar is a mom for peace, justice and honor amongst humanity. She is blessed with two boys and two girls and lives outside Shenandoah Valley in West Virginia’s Eastern Panhandle.
The Stream
July 19, 2010
This stream I sit next to – does it realize where it is going? Does it realize where it came from? Does it matter to it?
It is flowing right here, right now – so much energy, such force, such determination! All in one direction – blind faith; no arguments. It sees the rocks in the middle, the trees that grow inside the stream, all acting as obstacles, but it does not allow itself to stop herself. She just flows with such grace, such beauty, such purity, such val ore!
As it flows, it creates energy, power, a roar – a declaration to itself and the universe – “Come on! This way!” From the highest of the mountain tops to its destiny, it just flows. It does not even stop to rest or even reflect if it is going the right way.
When the time comes to turn, it does, when the time comes to merge into something bigger, it will, when time tells it to flow alone with grander, it does. Until then flow, just flow.
And the marvel: as it flows with such intensity, such power, such steadfastness, it does not disturb the trees that grow around its banks even though the branches are just two feet above water, fortunate enough to witness the stream’s strength. It does not disturb the animals that drink from it, it just flows. It does not matter if it is day or night, sunny or cloudy, if people are around or not, it just flows – keeps going - much more powerful than my little energizer bunny!
I hear so much thunder, yet I am dry. I don’t feel the rain, yet. Will the thunder effect the river?
Absolutely not – then why am I not like it? Can I be like it? Can I flow the flow until my time comes to merge with something bigger?
O Allah, help me just flow. Help me in the midst of all the beauty, temptations, thunder, storms, help me just flow – towards You and You alone, ameen.
Warda Faraz is a mother of 3 daughters and lives in Wyoming. She loves to spend time reading, gardening, and cooking
The Cow Hike
July 15, 2010
When I was a kid, my dad used to take my brother and me on long hikes through the woods and cow fields near our home. We called it the Cow Hike. We would set out after dinner to give my mother some peaceful time alone. We would find wild raspberries and moo at the cows. During the summer it was one of our favorite activities. What was strange about the Cow Hike was that every single time we went we would somehow get separated from my father. What was even stranger, though, was that we would often see him behind trees and such. Just for a fleeting moment we catch a glimpse of him. We would call out, but somehow he never would hear us. So, we would be forced to find our way home on our own. Yet as we approached civilization, he would reappear.
One night during dinner when I was a teenager, we were talking about old times and the Cow Hike. As I was thinking back, it hit me. I asked him, “You were hiding on purpose, weren’t you?” He smiled. My dad was testing us. He was hiding on purpose to see if we could find our way home without him. I was so shocked and angry, I didn’t speak to him at all the rest of the evening. The next day at school, I told my sad story of a cruel father to my friends.
Now, though, when I think about what he did and those long hikes, I find myself laughing and even grateful. The Cow Hike was a great bonding experience for my brother and me. We learned our way around those woods and fields. We learned to rely on one another. We learned not to be afraid when we thought we were lost.
I wonder what I’m doing now that will become my kids’ Cow Hike.
Laura Brown Laura Brown is a stay at home mom of two little ones. She happily holds the title of CFO (Chief Financial Officer) of her family. She blogs about her money-saving ways at Blessings in Bargains.
